a day later

i still feel the same. i know it’s my own problem to overcome, no one can help me make a decision. i opened up, talked about it, but still… i feel that things remain status quo.

things happened way too fast, they’re still blurry to me. i’m not sure if i know everything, or things that i should have known. nothing that you’ve said and done (or rather, the lack of it) has alleviated the situation, my fear within me. in fact, i feel more confused than ever. it’s like… everything that you said, was forced out of your mouth. coerced by me. like you don’t mean it.

i look at you from behind. i feel like i don’t know you. like i’m just people-watching at the library. then i think about the ‘signs’. darn. they seem so familiar. they all point out to a single decision, a conclusion, but i just could not bring myself to accept it. i can’t pull myself away.

i just don’t feel the enthusiasm from you anymore. has the interest dissipated? once attained, you move on to your next target?

i hate this feeling within me. i hate it when i doubt you. when i doubt myself. when i don’t trust my own intuition.

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