just a couple of minutes ago, i was in the pantry, washing my dishes. then i saw someone climbing up the stairs to my level. it was kenneth. i turned back to do my dishes. he entered kelvin’s room, then i heard him laugh. that familiar sound, that cackle of some sort. somehow, i smiled upon hearing that laughter. i wish to go up to him and say ‘hey’. that i don’t hate him as much as before now, though whatever he did still haunts me. but i just couldn’t.
the long goodbye by ronan keating playing in the background now. the song that helped me cry and recover from the heartache last semester. memories.
kenny was telling me that gz was down at their level last night, to borrow dvds. and they heard him laugh at something iris said. i smiled when i heard kenny say he laughed. coz i realised that i haven’t seen him smile or laugh for ages, even when he was with me. it’s all i want. to see him laugh. and be happy. like how he laughed himself silly when i scolded peng for being a selfish bastard by buying a selfish car that couldn’t take all of us out to supper. like how he laughed at me when i struggled to solve the stupid puzzle lock thingy that peng had. i yearn for that one day to happen again. i seriously do.
talking to mae earlier on made me realise that i was in the same situation as her a couple of weeks ago, or even now. i don’t know. everyday, i still struggle to control my emotions.
suddenly, i feel lost. am talking to neer now, and wishing that gz would be a lil bit like neer, showing me concern for me just when i need it. silently supporting me all the way. and it just hit me that neer might not be coming back next semester, and i’ll be all alone, no more tigrou to accompany me through my crazy moods, my happy days and my down periods. no more tigrou to come to my room, sit on my bed and give me advice. no more tigrou to bite and pinch. no more tigrou to pass my unwanted chocolates to. no more.
and i can’t stop crying.