yea. i initially wrote a post on one of my friends, the oldest friend i ever had and still talk to (albeit sporadically). as i wrote, as i spoke to him, i realised that we were totally out of sync with each other. that prompted me to google him. yes, google is my bestest friend because he gives.
i found his almost dying blog. and also his girl’s blog. as i read on, i realised that i should just privatised the entry i wrote earlier. nothing is safe on the internet, and singapore is a small community. a friend of a friend of a friend who is a friend of the girl might happen to chance onto my blog and pass the news on that “hey, i was reading this girl’s blog the other day, and the guy she was talking about… sounds like your bf! did you know he had such a friend?”
no no no no no. i cannot risk it. i don’t think she knows that her bf has me as a friend because i’m not a good friend who keeps in touch regularly. so, assuming that she’s a jealous creature (of course, all females are jealous creatures and territorial), i cannot risk his perfect relationship, can i?
though he doesn’t blame me, though i know i’m not great to create even a dent, the past guilt comes back to haunt me regularly. it’s slowly eating me up.
“i’m happy for you. and trust me when i say “you’re not dumb and you’re absolutely capable of getting that PhD. sometimes, the fear of failing can indeed lead to your failure. maybe you shld just let go of all expectations people have of you and do the best you can.”
remember, you’ve got what it takes.”